You Were A Nightmare

When an ex 'partner' states that you were a 'nightmare' to them, it really hurts. You are upset and at the same time very frustrated at the fact that he presents the part of the story that only suits him.  Especially when you know that you BOTH made mistakes and that he is not willing to take the responsibility for his actions. 

As Seth Meyers states in his article 'Why Be Wary of People Who Call Their Exes Crazy' published in Psychology Today, 

    'The way a person characterizes an ex is based on countless factors: the degree to which the speaker         accepts responsibility for their role in the dissolution of the relationship; their capacity for rational         thinking; the degree to which they engage in black-or-white thinking; their capacity for empathy and      compassion; their degree of defensiveness; their degree of vengefulness or vindictiveness (how             much they need to win in the court of public opinion);'

He also states that:

    'How a person talks about their ex says as much, if not more, about the speaker than the person             they're characterizing [...]. It's typically problematic to apply total guilt or total innocence to just one      member of the dyad. In many cases, suggesting that one member of the couple is all good and the         other is all bad or 'crazy' isn't a fair characterization of either member of a couple'

Thinking back to your 'relationship', many mistakes were made on your side and many bad decision were taken. Accepting responsibility of the whole messed up situation though, is not something you deserve.

Were your needs met in this 'relationship' you have been characterized as 'a nightmare'?

According to AbIgall Brenner's article in Psychology Today 7 Building Blocks of a Great Relationship, the 7 requirements to build a great relationship are:

• Trust
• Commitments
• Intimacy
• Respect
• Communication
• Empathy
• Equality

Where any of the above building blocks met in your 'relationship'. Probably not. 

One thing is for certain. They are considering you being a 'nightmare' because it suit them. But deep inside you know that if you didn't go through all this mess, you would have never turned out to be the person you are today. 

For them you might be a nightmare but for you they were your growth!

 

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