Chances come and go

While lying in bed she closes her eyes. 

After two months, it still bothers her.  

The pride in his eyes when he announced to her that her contract is terminated.

The pride in his voice and tone when he told her:

"Here is your letter of termination"

The way he slid the letter towards her.

She picked up the letter, read it quickly without really processing the words and walked out of the room. 

She cried a lot. 

"You work too many hours" , "We don't see you anymore" "Set some boundaries" her friends and family told her, but she listened to no one. She loved her job and she knew she could thrive in it. 

The mobbing, the bullying, the lies, the secrets, the "doing things sideways so we never get caught" was something she couldn't deal with and she didn't want to deal with. Her anxiety, the pressures, the thoughts... 

Deep inside she knew that this letter was actually saving her! 

For the past year she was looking into the dark abyss hoping she never drowns in it. Even today, her body reacts to the darkness and occasionally her thoughts are driving her crazy.

"Did I become like them?" "Am I a bad person?" "Did I do things to harm others without even understanding it?" "Did I lie?"

Trying to calm herself down, she remembers the goodbye e-mail she received from him.

She never thought he would be such a coward. 

"At least I had the guts to face him" - she thought. "I was brave, I said "no" to him when necessary and held him accountable. The fact that he did not like my "behaviour" and "attitude" has nothing to do with me. When he lied to me, I was rude back, when he treated me with disrespect, I didn't respect him back, when he showed up with his "very important" company, I diminished his importance, when he only talked about money, I replied with "what is the right thing to do"?

She lost a job she really loved.

She lost someone that showed her that masculine and caring men actually exist.

But he, in the contrary, lost something more important. 

He lost the person that after so many years, actually fulfilled him emotionally.

He lost the person that after so many years, awoke his ability to feel, to care, to be an empath again. 

He lost the person that could help him leave his dark and mischievous self in the past and start all over again. 

Chances come and go. It is in our hands however to either take them or let them go. Hence the reason why our lives are built and are dictated by the choices we make. 

What matters the most is not how many people or money we have around us when we are young, but how many people will be by our side when we get older and a burden to society. That is when regret starts kicking in. That is when we decide we should have changed, we should have taken that chance. 

Tears filled her eyes...

"I just wanted a hug..." - she whispered.

Something so insignificant, but at the same time so important.

2023