What are the similarities and differences between men and women, when discussing their sexual encounters with the opposite sex?
Scenario:
A group of men and a group of women meet for a coffee or a drink to discuss their experience with the opposite sex.
Men: They brag about their sexual encounters
Women: They minimise its importance
Men: They are proud of their sexual performance
Women: They feel shame
Men: They lie about the encounter and maximise their importance
Women: They prefer not ta share their thoughts out of shame
Men: Talk about how they were sexually satisfied
Women: Do not consider their personal satisfaction as important
Men: They consider their satisfaction a mandatory part of the "ritual"
Women: Most often do not
Men: They expect to be satisfied
Women: They do not
Men: They ask for what they want
Women: They do not ask out of shame
Men: Consider it their right to say no when they do not want to perform in a specific way
Women: Are not allowed to say no
All this shame surrounding women's sexuality and pleasure results in some very important questions:
Should we, women, share the truth about our experiences with one another?
Should we, women, start pointing out the toxic traits of men when it comes to intimacy?
Should we, women, start saying no and demand our no to be respected at all times?
Should we, women, start being honest with one another so that we can finally realise that unfortunately, we all meet the assholes that think they have the right to impose their opinions, needs and wants on us?
Should we, women, start feeling proud of our choices and our sexual pleasures?
Should we truthfully start talking to one another?
Maybe that way, we will all understand we are not alone in this.
Maybe that way, we will start distinguishing between quality men and "waste of our time" men.
Maybe that way, we will start feeling less shameful for our desires and experiences and start considering them part of our journey and our being.
While men label women as "wife material" or "just for fun women", the same way we should start labelling men as "quality men" or "waste of our time men".
And while labels serve no one and should not be used by either party, being able to distinguish the toxic traits and behaviours as well as having the guts to raise your standards and say no, are the first step to healthier encounters with the opposite sex.
"Why am I expected to say yes to every sexual desire he has while at the same time he doesn't?"
"Why are you obliged to say yes to his desire? Say "no" to someone's desires and you will still be alive. The relationship might end earlier than you thought, but that will save you from any asshole that considers his needs more important than yours, that considers you an object to spend his time with, that thinks he can excess his power over you."
It is perfectly fine for both parties to want to have fun together, as long as they both agree on the same terms and wants. However, when this is just one sided, is where the problem arises.
What we all want is someone to be teammates with, working our relationship together, learning from each other and considering each other's needs and wants as equally important.
Anything less than that is just a waste of time!
And only if we start being honest with one another, we will realise we are not alone and that it is ok to say "NO" when feeling taken advantage of or disrespected!
2023
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